This week has been a sour taste in the mouth and a bad attitude every waking morning. I try to stay positive, but positivity can only get you so many places before reality kicks in and you're back to realizing just how bad things are.
Remember when you're younger, and all you care about is finding a boyfriend? In the fresh years of adolescence, a boyfriend is all you need to complete your life. Girls really take for granted all those nights spent driving around with nowhere in particular, with short-shorts on and the windows down, some tacky Backstreet Boys song blaring at the top of your stereo's lungs, dancing along to the beats of your childhood, laughing at the weird looks the people next to you in stoplights are casting your way.
Why do girls want to grow up so fast? I blinked to rest my eyes for half of a millisecond, and when I reopened them, all of my friends are hiding. Some of the friends that I spent numerous nights smoking on rooftops and taking turns drinking out of Patron bottles with are now mothers. Some girls that I always planned on living with in a Beatlemania-themed house once we could are now wives, living with their husbands instead. And then THAT girl, the girl that destiny brought to me as a nine year old child, a consolation for making me sister-less...
She's nowhere to be found. She went to college, broke up with her soulmate boyfriend of five years, found a new group of friends that leaves her aimlessly drunk at parties. Ever since, she's forgotten about me, barely texts me when I go to her for the pain of my dad's cancer....
and then fails to invite me to her 21st birthday party. No matter how many text messages I have sent offering to drive three hours away, to a town that I was supposed to move to but financially couldn't due to my dad's situation.
No response, no response, no response.
You go through the pain of puberty and being awkward-looking together, you cling together so much that stupid kids accuse you of being lesbians, you grow up together...and then once you get to that certain place, you've slipped away from one another.
I guess I'm just upset at the seperation, the foundations of our friendship have failed us, I am stuck in Fort Worth all alone. All of my friends, especially my best friend, have gone in their own directions and found new people to someday seperate from too, and I'm a girl who hangs out with her boyfriend every day, in eager need of finding someone to stay up until late nights of the morning with. Painting, eating gallons of Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream, building pillow forts, getting in deep conversations with, watching Molly Ringwald movies, baking cupcakes, polishing our toenails while listening to old Beatles music.
I'm stuck feeling sorry for myself, digging through Facebook newsfeed pictures of girls dressing in heels and taking drunken mirror pictures with their best friends on their girls night out, while I'm stuck at home ODing on coffee, watching "Breakfast at Tiffanies" eighty-three thousand times, and reading books from cover to cover.
I need an escape, a glass of wine, a trip to Paris, a new wadrobe, a new apartment, a new town, a new idea, a new life. A new friend in need.
I need someone whose imagination can help me get out of the tacky situation that I'm in, the saddened life that I am living day-to-day with no motivation, no ambition, and no inspiration. The life where I'm afraid of my dad passing away, my mom hating me, my dreams not coming true.
God, where are Disney movies when you need them?!
Remember when you're younger, and all you care about is finding a boyfriend? In the fresh years of adolescence, a boyfriend is all you need to complete your life. Girls really take for granted all those nights spent driving around with nowhere in particular, with short-shorts on and the windows down, some tacky Backstreet Boys song blaring at the top of your stereo's lungs, dancing along to the beats of your childhood, laughing at the weird looks the people next to you in stoplights are casting your way.
Why do girls want to grow up so fast? I blinked to rest my eyes for half of a millisecond, and when I reopened them, all of my friends are hiding. Some of the friends that I spent numerous nights smoking on rooftops and taking turns drinking out of Patron bottles with are now mothers. Some girls that I always planned on living with in a Beatlemania-themed house once we could are now wives, living with their husbands instead. And then THAT girl, the girl that destiny brought to me as a nine year old child, a consolation for making me sister-less...
She's nowhere to be found. She went to college, broke up with her soulmate boyfriend of five years, found a new group of friends that leaves her aimlessly drunk at parties. Ever since, she's forgotten about me, barely texts me when I go to her for the pain of my dad's cancer....
and then fails to invite me to her 21st birthday party. No matter how many text messages I have sent offering to drive three hours away, to a town that I was supposed to move to but financially couldn't due to my dad's situation.
No response, no response, no response.
You go through the pain of puberty and being awkward-looking together, you cling together so much that stupid kids accuse you of being lesbians, you grow up together...and then once you get to that certain place, you've slipped away from one another.
I guess I'm just upset at the seperation, the foundations of our friendship have failed us, I am stuck in Fort Worth all alone. All of my friends, especially my best friend, have gone in their own directions and found new people to someday seperate from too, and I'm a girl who hangs out with her boyfriend every day, in eager need of finding someone to stay up until late nights of the morning with. Painting, eating gallons of Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream, building pillow forts, getting in deep conversations with, watching Molly Ringwald movies, baking cupcakes, polishing our toenails while listening to old Beatles music.
I'm stuck feeling sorry for myself, digging through Facebook newsfeed pictures of girls dressing in heels and taking drunken mirror pictures with their best friends on their girls night out, while I'm stuck at home ODing on coffee, watching "Breakfast at Tiffanies" eighty-three thousand times, and reading books from cover to cover.
I need an escape, a glass of wine, a trip to Paris, a new wadrobe, a new apartment, a new town, a new idea, a new life. A new friend in need.
I need someone whose imagination can help me get out of the tacky situation that I'm in, the saddened life that I am living day-to-day with no motivation, no ambition, and no inspiration. The life where I'm afraid of my dad passing away, my mom hating me, my dreams not coming true.
God, where are Disney movies when you need them?!
Three comments 37 likes